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| 30 red balloons being released, for Ryan's 30 years of life. |
I have never spoken in a public forum. I felt Ryan's graveside service should be personal to him alone. I started his service off with the below speech. I feel like he would approve of yesterdays events, here's what I said:
One of the last things I said to Ryan was “ if you leave first I’ll see you in a little while” I know this is true and today as I stand here, I can feel him all around me. I feel him in the love being poured over me by our family and friends. On a recent day in the hospital a physician and a group of medical students stopped by ryan's room and asked us a myriad of questions about ryan's extensive medical history. Upon departing our room the physician said “ you are a most unique character.” I thought to myself..”you have no idea” Ryan was so unique..in just about every since of the word. One of my favorite and most profound stories to tell about Ryan’s simple take on things is a story from when he was around the age of 4. It was at the end of a brutal treatment regimen. Ryan's physician came to his hospital room to give us the news that his battered body could tolerate no more treatment, upon hearing this news I started to cry and seeing me cry Ryan started crying. I was crying for all the reasons you might imagine, I was scared for his future, afraid for what might happen, upset that this was the end. Ryan on the other hand when I asked him why he was crying he said he was afraid, and when I asked what he was afraid of….. (I was expecting an answer along the lines of what I was thinking).... Ryan simply said snakes. He’s afraid of snakes. I stopped crying and started laughing. I’m afraid of snakes also I said, and we left it at that. Ryan was born in Anchorage and we traveled to Fort Worth for his pediatric cancer diagnosis at the age of 2 1/2, upon completion of treatment we returned to Anchorage to live a somewhat normal adolescence and teen existence. Ryan was no stranger to struggle most things were a little more difficult for him, but if he was passionate he persevered. Ryan was always available to lend an ear, for as long as you needed he would listen interjecting appropriate words during periodic moments just so you knew he was listening all the while sending you quite comforting thoughts. He was a simple guy and a rock star all at once. Ryan touched more lives than he knew, Just the knowledge of his fearless walk through difficult times inspired everyone who knew even a part of his story. When Ryan picked me up from the airport not even five short months ago we held hands, not even speaking for a long time. There are no words in the vocabulary that would have been sufficient. Both of us knew it was going to be the wildest ride of our lives and all we could do was hang on, so we clung to each other. I have the deepest connection with his soul and we love beyond boundaries. The last few months have been the most beautiful gift, a long goodbye; painful, joyful, and every emotion in between. The Love flows still, and it will continue, Forever. Im sure you can feel it now. I am blessed beyond all measure to have called Ryan mine. No amount of time would have been enough with this gentle, stoic soul. I look forward to seeing his smile again and I know he will be there to greet me.
I'd like to thank everyone for attending Ryan's graveside service, it was Ryan’s wish to be laid to rest here. The plot is a gift from a long departed Great Grandfather who had the insight and kindness to keep us all together in one final resting place. I’d like to invite others to tell a story or say something they recall about my favorite guy.
