Pretty Happy.....

Birthday Flowers
12/22/2016

Pretty people are happy people, period. - Drew Barrymore

I like this quote from Drew, I think she is on to something.  I like to be happy and who doesn't want to be pretty?  I certainly feel pretty when I am happy...so the elusive happiness comes and goes like the ocean tide, alass.  Ayway, moving on.... I know that we all have the power to create change, and that we are responsible for the happiness we have, or do not have.  Is happiness a learned skill like resilience seems to be?  Perhaps.  I've said before I think diet and exercise are a big part of resilance and happiness, I'm still eating a very healthy diet and exercising daily, but that elusive happy unicorn trots in and outta my life.  Today is Saturday and I'm going to try and keep that happy going on, all day! Let's be happy and pretty today - Happy Saturday everyone.  

Happy?

Moody Gardens Festival of Lights 12/18/2016
Beachy Christmas Fun & Warm Weather.
Galveston, Texas

What does happy look like?  I've been thinking about this question all day.  Today I met with a counselor to help with grief.  During the grief counseling session she asked me, what does happy look like to you?  I thought about Ryan's smiling face, he would say " Dr. Pepper" or perhaps "Ranch Doritos" I miss that face.  Later today I watched a line of cars go through an automated car wash and the giant bright colored scrubbing brushes with all the soapy bubbles looked like happy to me.  I know she was asking what makes a happy life?  Sunshine helps to find happiness for me.  I'm living in Houston, Texas and there is plenty of sunshine and warm weather, even in January ... a bonus for me and the palm trees that grow wild around here.  My first assignment from the grief counseling session is to journal, so I will be blogging agian.  I stopped blogging because it was making someone in my life sad.  I hope if you're reading this you can find inspiration not saddness.  Life is messy sometimes and trying not to slip in the crazy that spills out  can be difficult.  The counselor also wants to know what happy looks like.  I'm pretty sure it looks like a unicorn running through a field of glitter.  I'm currently in search of my elusive happy unicorn. So, what does happy look like?  Saddle up and lets take a look.

Pulled out to Sea

Todays Sunrise, Anchorage Alaska

Anxiety finally set in, I'm leaving Anchorage in about two weeks.  I made it through today but it felt as if I was being pulled into an undercurrent throughout the day.  I worry about a new job and how it will all come together and then I think .... It's coming together just relax, easier said then done.  I remember when Ryan didn't make the cut after a seasonal job with Amazon, he went to a temp agency that day. Ryan never suffered about being layed off from work he just found a way to keep working until he was rehired by Amazon.  I marveled at his mental endurance.  Many people, me included would have taken time to regroup. Ryan just kept things moving along, always optimistic.  I feel urged to move forward and my move is coming together, an adventure.  Tonight as I write this I'm not feeling anxious anymore, but optimistic like Ryan and curious about all the new adventures awaiting me.

constant change

Anchorage, Alaska 10/23/2016

Things are constantly changing you have to make a story line with a satisfying beginning middle and end.  I've always played the game of life like bumper cars, just bumping along.  I am in the midst of making conscience decisions.  To make a new start you have endings first.  Endings can be difficult. I'd like to think I'm making the best of my endings and I feel supported by those I'm leaving behind.  In today's world you can be in contact with anyone anytime, so its not like we have to correspond through the postal service.  Nevertheless things will not be the same.  I woke to a snow storm on Friday and when it lifted on Saturday it was beautiful.  Today is Sunday and it feels really cold.  I am looking forward to milder weather, and more sunshine with a side of extra happy please.

Strong Soldiers

Anchorage 10/15/2016

As I drove by a church today the marquee outside read :  God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.  I feel battle worn today, but I'm still moving forward.  Thoughts of days ahead spin in my mind and I wonder what Ryan is doing and thinking and does he know I'm thinking of him?  I'm hopeful he is too busy being happy to wonder about me.  I have packed boxes, made arrangements and bought a ticket to ride, but I still have more to do.  The day outside looked like a fall day from a movie the blue sky against the gold leaves was stunning and it will turn into a crisp clear night with a bright full moon.  The northern lights have made appearances the last few nights and it really is phenomenal.  I stopped by a favorite downtown shop and saw a friend I have known since highschool, we hugged almost forever.  It was wonderful to see her and we promised each other we would have dinner together soon.  It seems I always think there will be more time, another occasion to visit but what I have learned is no moment repeats, its just this once and then the next one and so on.  I recommend to myself that I would appreciate each individual moment for the unique and beautiful moment that it is, never to repeat.  What a beautiful moment it was and I'm hopeful for more even if they are different.

Down the Rabbit Hole

sunrise, view from work 

When was the last time you jumped down a rabbit hole?  Well here I go.  Nervous you ask, no not really.  I feel hopeful, hopeful in a new way.  Hopeful for new beginnings and adventures.  I'm emotionaly Raw and ready for change.  Don't be sad, it's an exciting day and you only live once.  Anchorage I will enjoy you a while longer but our time is growing short and so are your daylight hours and that has me seeking sunshine somewhere else.  Today I'll enjoy old friends and look forward to new ones.  No distance will keep friends apart we are only as far away as our hearts let us be, and my heart beats now for some that are far away.

The speed of life.

Work Selfie 10/2016

I had made my mind up that I wanted a new life before I landed in the place I had once loved.  When I arrived at work early Wednesday morning I opened my locker and was surprised with streamers, confetti and a great card complete with mermaid and unicorn drawings.  I Love my work family, we are great friends and we really have a good time together.  The problem isn't you, It's me and I like to drink my coffee outside, watching the birds with the morning sun. If you can't tell I've decided to leave Alaska, leave my life ... my life that hasen't been my life for awhile.  It was strange to walk back into my life after six months of not having my normal routine, nothing seems normal about my routine now.   What am I in search of you ask?  I want it all!  I want a life full of fun, happiness, warmth, friends and family.  You see life goes by really fast ..... and I want to participate at the speed of life ... and that's really fast ... Today I will get sweaty, I'll eat healthy and I will smile ..... alot ... I hope you will too.