Pulled out to Sea

Todays Sunrise, Anchorage Alaska

Anxiety finally set in, I'm leaving Anchorage in about two weeks.  I made it through today but it felt as if I was being pulled into an undercurrent throughout the day.  I worry about a new job and how it will all come together and then I think .... It's coming together just relax, easier said then done.  I remember when Ryan didn't make the cut after a seasonal job with Amazon, he went to a temp agency that day. Ryan never suffered about being layed off from work he just found a way to keep working until he was rehired by Amazon.  I marveled at his mental endurance.  Many people, me included would have taken time to regroup. Ryan just kept things moving along, always optimistic.  I feel urged to move forward and my move is coming together, an adventure.  Tonight as I write this I'm not feeling anxious anymore, but optimistic like Ryan and curious about all the new adventures awaiting me.

constant change

Anchorage, Alaska 10/23/2016

Things are constantly changing you have to make a story line with a satisfying beginning middle and end.  I've always played the game of life like bumper cars, just bumping along.  I am in the midst of making conscience decisions.  To make a new start you have endings first.  Endings can be difficult. I'd like to think I'm making the best of my endings and I feel supported by those I'm leaving behind.  In today's world you can be in contact with anyone anytime, so its not like we have to correspond through the postal service.  Nevertheless things will not be the same.  I woke to a snow storm on Friday and when it lifted on Saturday it was beautiful.  Today is Sunday and it feels really cold.  I am looking forward to milder weather, and more sunshine with a side of extra happy please.

Strong Soldiers

Anchorage 10/15/2016

As I drove by a church today the marquee outside read :  God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.  I feel battle worn today, but I'm still moving forward.  Thoughts of days ahead spin in my mind and I wonder what Ryan is doing and thinking and does he know I'm thinking of him?  I'm hopeful he is too busy being happy to wonder about me.  I have packed boxes, made arrangements and bought a ticket to ride, but I still have more to do.  The day outside looked like a fall day from a movie the blue sky against the gold leaves was stunning and it will turn into a crisp clear night with a bright full moon.  The northern lights have made appearances the last few nights and it really is phenomenal.  I stopped by a favorite downtown shop and saw a friend I have known since highschool, we hugged almost forever.  It was wonderful to see her and we promised each other we would have dinner together soon.  It seems I always think there will be more time, another occasion to visit but what I have learned is no moment repeats, its just this once and then the next one and so on.  I recommend to myself that I would appreciate each individual moment for the unique and beautiful moment that it is, never to repeat.  What a beautiful moment it was and I'm hopeful for more even if they are different.

Down the Rabbit Hole

sunrise, view from work 

When was the last time you jumped down a rabbit hole?  Well here I go.  Nervous you ask, no not really.  I feel hopeful, hopeful in a new way.  Hopeful for new beginnings and adventures.  I'm emotionaly Raw and ready for change.  Don't be sad, it's an exciting day and you only live once.  Anchorage I will enjoy you a while longer but our time is growing short and so are your daylight hours and that has me seeking sunshine somewhere else.  Today I'll enjoy old friends and look forward to new ones.  No distance will keep friends apart we are only as far away as our hearts let us be, and my heart beats now for some that are far away.

The speed of life.

Work Selfie 10/2016

I had made my mind up that I wanted a new life before I landed in the place I had once loved.  When I arrived at work early Wednesday morning I opened my locker and was surprised with streamers, confetti and a great card complete with mermaid and unicorn drawings.  I Love my work family, we are great friends and we really have a good time together.  The problem isn't you, It's me and I like to drink my coffee outside, watching the birds with the morning sun. If you can't tell I've decided to leave Alaska, leave my life ... my life that hasen't been my life for awhile.  It was strange to walk back into my life after six months of not having my normal routine, nothing seems normal about my routine now.   What am I in search of you ask?  I want it all!  I want a life full of fun, happiness, warmth, friends and family.  You see life goes by really fast ..... and I want to participate at the speed of life ... and that's really fast ... Today I will get sweaty, I'll eat healthy and I will smile ..... alot ... I hope you will too.

last night

Sedona, Arizona 10/3/2016

The sky looked amazing as usual, Pam pulled the car over and I took this photo on our way to dinner.  I'm Currently in Seattle waiting for the next flight, the flight to Anchorage.  I have felt anxious all day and the thoughts about landing in the life I left 6 months ago are racing through my mind.  I'll get back late this evening and head to work early, hit the ground running as they say.  I wonder if my favorite Pilates class is full and will I be off work in time to attend the Pilates class?  Normal thoughts from 6 months ago.. Somehow I feel like an invader in someone else's life though.  I'll let y'all know how it goes ... please wish me luck .... I think I'll need it.

Unknown

Fall colors 9/2016
Flagstaff, Arizona

As I notice the the colors changing in the foliage around me I'm aware of the changes within me.  I'm currently listening to a song that says:

1, 2, 3 Let go...theres nothing that you can't do ... the only way to know 1, 2, 3 let go......  Let her fly into the unknown .....  

So here I go ..... Happy Sunday everyone lets all have an adventure today because there's nothing we can't do........

Road trips and good friends

Flagstaff Arizona 9/30/2016

Yesterday my friend Pam and I drove to Flagstaff, we turned the music up and sang all the way there.  The drive was beautiful and the sky looked like an art show the whole day.  We visited cool shops, then stopped for a mojito at a Latin grill.  I sat under the outdoor heater while drinking my summer cocktail pretending I was still in the Texas heat.  Today we are contemplating another road trip, whatever the day has in store we will be together and we will laugh and hold hands and hang on, because that's what friends are for....